I am not accustomed to blogging twice in one day but when I feel the prompt, I suppose there is something significant to be said. As stated in an earlier post, emotions that are blocked are damaging to both our physical and psychological health and in that understanding, I feel the need to be a bit more candid in regard to the circumstances that have actually been bothering me.
I am a 48 year old woman, who, based on appearance, has lived a very externally acceptable life. However, the truth is, there is a differentiation that I cope with most every day. In my attempts to fit into the flow of society, I have sought traditional relationships with men; yet, the reality is, I have no interest in men. I am a Christian in a society that expects me to conform to the role of traditional marriage, dating, and relationships and that is simply not within my capability. I live frustrated most of the time because I’m not a person of the mindset that has no interest in sexuality.
I know, for some, this forum may be a disconcerting place to unearth such information; yet, the approach of individually addressing such with every person in my life is beyond daunting. I cannot possibly have the time nor the desire to have that discussion with each and every person that I meet. I am tired of carrying the burden on my shoulders and I’m quite certain, even unbeknownst to me, that this information affects every aspect of my life every day. Sharing this information can feel unnecessary, in my understanding, but the barrage of suitors never stops and that is beyond wearying to me both in mind and body.
To men, I want to say that I am not your enemy. I am just not your love interest. I am a person that encourages traditional relationships without anger or bitterness or ill will and I have relationships with people of all relational status. I just have to release the emotional strain that I feel in regard to the understanding of my sexuality and this forum seems to be the most efficient means of communication for the necessary clarity.
That’s what’s bothering me and I hope in some way this will be the encouragement that you need to determine what it is that is bothering you.