In the heat of the moment

Sorting through emotional distress takes time and a willingness as an individual to address the reality of “what is“. I want to delve into the emotion of anger because it is the most readily accessible emotion for most every developing human being. Anger is not in and of itself a bad emotion. Anger under control is a proper response in situations of injustice. It is not a matter of removing the emotion from the palette of our life but a refining of that emotion for proper application and understanding. Anger rises from a visceral place, the gut level and often there is no time to examine or even comprehend the “why” and it is from that stance that I interject.

Emotional immaturity is real and has a significant impact upon our society. Age does not define the truth of developmental processes in any individual. Developmental processes happen through origin and when there is uninformed conditioning, inevitably the emotional growth is stunted on some level. There is not a concerted effort towards arrested development, it is just the essence of what happens when someone is shaped in uninformed environments. There is no shame in suffering from what is developmentally lacking in the life of an individual. It is the result of being informed and not heeding that defines a represented character.

The pause is necessary when dealing with the emotion of anger. In the heat of the moment, questioning ourselves for truth is the optimum endeavor.

Am I feeling…

  • Disrespected
  • Shamed
  • Humiliated
  • Abused
  • Embarrassed
  • Helpless
  • Discouraged
  • Lost
  • Ignorant
  • Used

Assessing these questions can start an interesting internal dialogue that can move towards healing. If you begin to ask yourselves these questions and actually find conclusive evidence concerning the “why” behind your behavior, you are making progress. Understanding is half the battle. Being able to name the instigating emotion, gives you the ability to actually troubleshoot in a way that signifies maturity.

I want to give you a practical example.

Let’s say that you are feeling angry and it is based on the fact that you are ashamed of yourself or someone else. Immaturity reacts, maturity assesses. Being able to properly define behaviors as that which belongs to me and that which belongs to another is the objective for reacting maturely. Allowing others, outside of yourself, to simply “be” is living with proper alignment of mental boundaries. Understanding what is yours and what belongs to someone else, in behavior, allows for a measured and proper response as well as an objective mindset. You may say, “but their behavior is a reflection upon me“, which is a valid argument. However, every individual processes with their mind and to think or believe that we can control the mind of another is not only far fetched but it is shortsighted and ultimately hinders the freedom to relate and live as separate entities. Responsibility for behavior is individualistic even in situations where there is an authority structure to be discussed. If we cannot separate individuals from entities then shame is the control factor and will define in totality.

Let’s say the anger is in regard to your own sense of shame. It is vital to understand the difference between, “I am bad” or “I did something bad“, shame wants to forever define. Comprehending the difference is the framework for identity. Taking responsibility for behaviors yet not allowing those behaviors to define us as individuals is an act of courage and a significant step towards maturity. Everyone has lapses of judgment, it is what we do with those circumstances that allow us to regain our footing and continue on to develop a sense of compassion for ourselves and for others along the path. If we can’t reframe these thoughts, we are forever stuck in the “what was” mode of thinking. The anger never subsides and ultimately sickens us both internally and externally for the duration of our existence.

Anger is an emotional alert that needs to be heeded. Our bodies retain that heat and inevitably implode without a resolve.

To be perfectly honest, I’m writing to myself today as much as to anyone else. I am currently angry at circumstances that I can’t seem to control. In my assessment, I feel helpless, good questions for me, “where do I go from here” and “is that true“?

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